Deadpool: The Merc with a Mouth
by ChiBeaChangas
Summary: The fantastic-no, the uncanny-no, the amazing...no, the fancannyzing adventures of Deadpool! Ongoing series. Meaning it never ends, so it is impossible not to be annoyed. Chapter 5: The Fourth part of Wade's Origin! Rated for drama, death, blood, language, and randomness.
1. I Hate Him So

Hello Everyone! It is I, Lego84771, none but the very one. Anyway, you love Deadpool, the Merc with the Mouth sooooo much, that I present!

DEADPOOL

Short and sweet.

Deadpool: Not sweet, I'm ruthless!But I am cuddly.

Short, ruthless, and cuddly. Anyway, here you go!

Chapter 1

"Put James into the containment tube,"  
"Yes sir," Replied the young intern almost immediently. He pushed on a lever and a few moments later was watching old James Howlett transform into something more...He couldn't think of a word at the time, being so worried to get everything right.  
"How's old Clawzy goin?" The red and black man stepped in. The intern hated this man so, and could think of just one word describing him-INSANE.  
"No seriously, how's he going? I don't want him to be hurt," Just then he pulled out two guns and pointed them at the tube,"PSYCH!"  
The intern wanted soooo much to be able to say things other than 'Yes sir', 'Right away sir' or 'On it sir'. He wanted to scare off this vile...what, minion? Henchman perhaps? There'd be no possible way for the man to be one of the professor's main fighters. Professor Thorton was too smart for that. "These are not the droids you are looking for," the red black man said, also doing some odd thing with his hand. The intern had not an idea of what he was talking about. This man was just too much. He couldn't take it. He finally asked,"Sir...shall I ask the guards to remove...err..."  
"Deadpool. Deadpool is his code name. No, let him stay, and marvel at the creation in progress," The Professor had replied immediently.  
The intern wondered how the Professor could possible stand this mutiny of a man. And one named Deadpool at that. He quickly shook off his thoughts and prepared for the next stage of transforming this man in the Containment Tube. He remembered the man was named James Howlett. He rather liked the name. And that was his last thought.

I know, I know, it's short but I reallzy liked it. Don't worry, next chapters will be much longer. If you want more chapters, R+R! 


	2. BEGINNING

Heylos everyone, time for another chapter of Deadpool. (Not too much longer though. Perhaps the last chapter times...2 and a fourth?) By the way, this starts WAAY before chapter 1. That chapter was just a cool intro.

Chapter 2

"WADE! NOT EVEN BRINGING HIS FATHER A SINGLE PENNY!?"  
"I'm...sorry, Dad.." Wade mumbled. He then screamed as his father beat him with a long metal post. Wade hurried out of the room and ran out to the hospital. He found floor 4, room 16. He ran inside and stared at his dying mother.  
"Wade..." She smiled weakly, "You're here...thaz verzy nize...is you're fadder...treahing you well?"  
"Yes. He makes delicous meals and is very forgiving and generous," Wade lied, not wanting his mother to worry.  
Wade's mother had had cancer for 4 months so far. It was a special cancer that doctors couldn't find a cure for, and they said that she was unusually tough just for lasting a week. Wade had grinned at this months before, thinking that this must mean she would come out all right. But as the days dragged by, he realized that was impossible. Wade shook his head, getting his mind out of the past, when he realized his mother had been saying something before a certain flat line interrupted her.

That was IT.

(7 years later)

"Yo Wade it's yer 17th BIRTHDAY! Shouldn't you be like, I dunno, havin' a rockin' party or somethin'?" Ken asked as he, Wade, and Jim ran through alleys.  
"Nah. Dad don't wan' no party. Didn' get me no gift either," Wade replied.  
"Wha? Not cool bro, not cool," Jimmy said,"You know, jus' becuz o' dat, maybe I give some o' meh savin's, howz about dat?"  
"Thanks man. That's the nices' thingeh that's happened for a long time," Wade said as he jumped over a trash can.  
"Whoa, nice!" Ken said as he too jumped over one.  
"You know, you kinda lucky. I havin' some savin's in my wallet righ' now, wan' it?"  
"Yeah!" Wade cheered as Jim handed him 12 bucks,"Oh wow, dis is, like, one of the biggest amounts of money I'ze ever gotten. Thanks man!"  
"No problem. Hey, ya'll wanta hit da bar?"  
"Totalz!"

Wade laughed,"Good one Ken,"  
A bartender asked them,"Aren't you a little young to be drinking?" Wade, Ken, and Jim held out fake I.D. cards,"Hmm. Allrighty then. Ya'll want another?" Wade and Jim shook their heads, but Ken nodded happily. The bartender handed him a drink and then tended to other customers.

As soon as Ken finished his drink, Wade's dad walked into the bar. 'Uh oh,' Wade thought.  
"WADE!? WHY, I'MA GONNA BEAT YOU SO HA-" He was interrupted by a bullet going through his chest.  
"...What?" Wade stared. He shook his head and saw Ken holding a gun.  
"There ya go...Wade..." Ken slurred. Wade punched Ken in the face, stole the gun, and shot him.  
"WADE!" Jim screamed,"WHAT DID YOU DO!?"  
Wade was silent. He ran out of the bar when he started to hear sirens. 


	3. Shut Up

Alright, wow, drama. 3rd Chapter!

Chapter 3

'Oh no, oh no, oh no...' Wade thought. He had been running for two days straight, no eating, no sleeping. He didn't even know where he was going. He just kept running.

And running.

And running.

The police had long given up on chasing after him, although Wade knew they probably wouldn't have just punished, they'd've helped too.

But he didn't care. He just wanted to run. His legs felt like they were broken, and he felt like he wasn't even running anymore. He was just magically floating at a great speed, perhaps. Finally he came to a stop. He was in Idaho. 'What? I'm in...Idaho? I'm past the U.S. Border! How did no one spot me?!' He tried to remember what happened and remembered he had finished crossing Niagara Falls hours ago. 'Oh god,' Wade thought,'What happened? How did I get here so...fast?' He started walking. And walking. And walking. He finally came to a large curved river.  
'What's this called...Great Bear River?'He tried to remember what he learned in school long ago about Idaho.  
"Snake River. Beauty, ain't it." Wade turned to see a cloaked man,"You've been all over the news boy. I've heard of bar fights before, but seriously...that was crazy. Why you in Idaho." Wade thought that every question the man asked was a statement.  
"...Who are you?" Wade asked.  
"I asked why you're in Idaho. Answer me."  
Wade's mind felt weird right then. It started filling up. He didn't know what it was, but he knew it was bad. He tried to hold it in, but he couldn't take it. "WHO...ARE...YOU!?" The tremendous noise Wade had roared blew the man's hood off. He had a thick moustache and a shaved head. "I'm a World War II Veteran, boy! You gotta pay respect to your elders!"  
"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!" Wade grabbed the gun he had stolen from his pocket and shot the general. The general was bleeding violently, but he wasn't quite dead. The general reached for a gun, but Wade just kept shooting and never stopped, and eventually, before Wade was harmed, the general was dead.

THE SIRENS WOULD JUST NEVER STOP.

Wade threw up in the trash can. His head was hurting so much. It didn't even really hurt but made a very loud thumping sound. He needed a hospital. But he couldn't. As soon as he would walk in, he'd be sent to the jail. He needed a disguise of sorts. But of course, doctors could probably tell between a real and fake face. The more he thought though, the more Wade's head hurt. SO MUCH. Wade decided to risk it. He looked around, threw up a little more, and found a sign that said 'HOSPITAL'. He slowly walked there, vomiting much along the way.

"Hurry. Before he wakes up."  
"Doctor, what do we do, should we report him to the police? He killed one of our elders!"  
"It's for the best this man goes to jail."  
"SHUT UUUUUUUPPPPPP!" Wade screamed, waking up, and reached for his gun. It wasn't there.  
"Looking for this?" the doctor held up the gun,"Young man, to even think of what you're trying to do. What did Idaho do to you?"  
"Doctor," the nurse pleaded, "We should just give him a psychariest. It would all be sorted out!"  
"It's too much of a ri-"  
"SHUT UP!" Wade punched the doctor through the face hard, completely destroying several bones, and stole the gun. He checked to see if had bullets in it, and fortunately(Yet unfortunately) it did. He cocked the gun then shot the doctor. He pointed the gun at the nurse.  
"YOU HAVE CANCER!" The nurse shrieked, and flinched. Wade put away the gun.  
"What kind of cancer?" Wade asked, although very roughly.  
"We're not sure! Some kind of brain TUMOR, or something!" Wade stomped out the room, having enough blood for the day. Vomiting. 


	4. No Cure

Wade sat by an electricity pole. 'No, that's not what you call it,' he thought, 'Isn't it called, like, telephone wire, or something?' Wade's mind was losing everything. He looked at the papers on the 'telephone wire'. He saw one for guitar practice. He threw it away. He found one for a missing dog. It was a...what'd you call it, German Sheep? Europe Sheep? Whatever. He threw that away and found an ad.

"WEAPON X"

"LOSING YOUR MIND? SUCCUMBING TO CANCER?"

"COME TO ONTARIO, CANADA FOR MORE DETAILS TO BECOME MORE POWERFUL THAN EVER"

Wade looked at it. He wanted to go there. He then realized he couldn't just simply RUN to Canada. Especially with cancer. He looked in the streets, saw no cars, and ran(rather slowly)for the Missing Dog and Reward paper. He scrunched back to the...electricity pole and read it.

"MISSING DOG"  
"GERMAN SHEPHARD, NAME IS SCAMPI"  
"REWARD: 150$"

Wade thought. Was a hundred fifty bucks enough for a plane nowadays? He decided it was, and looked around for the dumb dog. He realized all of Idaho could be looking for the dog. Wait. Why would all of Idaho look for a dog? That's dumb. Probably just a couple citizens in the town. He then noticed a light rising above the...horizing, maybe? No...Horizon. Horizon. It was the Sun. It was that early. Wades eyes watered. He heard a bark. He turned around and found...Scampi. He ran for it, puking along the way, and grabbed it. He didn't realize how big it was until it bit through his flesh. He quickly let go and "Scampi" ran away. Obviously this was not the solution. He scumbled around, looking for more possible money, but didn't find a thing. He couldn't bum around, his cancer would kill him too fast. He couldn't commit suicuide...He was determined to live. What would he do? He then looked up. 'Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no, no, no, NOOOOO!' He saw the Nazi aircraft. He completely forgot America was going against the Allies. No wait, Axis. He saw a man running by.  
"C'MON BUB! D'YA WANNA DIE? GET AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN OUT OF THE TOWN!" The man's hand suddenly grew long bony...claw thingies. He ran out and jumped. Pretty high. Wade stood up slowly and followed the man's orders. He screamed as loud as he could without killing himself into a door,"GET OUT! THIS AIN'T A STICK-UP, DA NAZI'S ARE HERE!" Several people ran out, some crying. "GET OUTTA DA TOWN!" Wade cried once more, and everyone hurried off. He sort of jogged his way across the street and yelled into the next door, "DIDN'T YOU HEAR THE RUCKUS!? OUT!" And he repeated this at as many houses he could before he saw the aircraft stop. 'Uh oh.'. He ran as fast as he could before the bomb exploded. 


	5. Creativity & Reason

He ran. It seems like this is the only thing that ever happened: Him running. He was...kind of angry. The more he thought about it, the more angry he got. Finally, he was so angry, even though no one was around him, he screamed. His head really hurt, but he just wanted to scream. His whole life was just a mess. He could've just made himself a good life, make his father proud, prevent him and his mother from getting cancer. He still had the gun. He pointed it at his head. He pulled the trigger. No bullets. He threw it at the ground. He knew it was some kind of sign, he couldn't just kill himself. He was just so angry! So furious! He was out of Idaho now. He didn't really know where he was; He didn't even know if he was heading toward Canada. Finally, something in his brain POPPED and he blacked out.

He awoke much later in a facility supposed-HEYO!-He had no idea what just happened there. Wade sat up. He was in a facilit-(Dude, why you thinkin' mos' normal thoughts!) [Dude, his normal thoughts are much more sensible than YOU] (Shut up Reason, last time I'ma tell you, this dude gonna join the creative side! Aww yeah!)  
[Remind me what 1+1 is?] (Pink ice cream. See? A lot more fun) [It is more fun than 2, sigh...] WHAT WERE THESE PEOPLE SAYING!? And where were they?(Oh, dude he thinkin' bout us.) [No shit Sherlock] (Push harder, Watson!...See what I did there?) [Very mature] (Actually it was pretty immature) [I was using sarcasm] (What's sarcasm?)  
"SHUT UP!" Wade screamed. "Just shut up and...What's that?" He looked over to some kinda Mexican food. (Go on, name it!) "Chimichanga?" He said nervously. He took a bite out of it. It was delicous. Another small pop he heard in his brain. (THAT WILL BE YOUR FIRST REBORN WORD! CHIMICHANGA!) [Oh god, when and why did I invite you to this guy's brain?] (You didn't, you were throwing that party and I crashed for da night and BOOM! I live here) "Chimichanga?" Meanwhile, Wade had just kept repeating chimichanga. He was kind of just eating and walking at the same time, which is difficult with a chimichanga. [For those of you who don't know, chimichangas are like burritos with 3 burritos stuffed inside, so you gotta eat it with a fork] (Im sure they know, Reason) Yet one more cell popped in Wade's brain. He was saying 'Chimichanga' when a door opened. A man stepped inside. "I presume you are Wade, right?"  
"Chimichanga?" Wade questioned.  
The man mumbled under his breath something about him getting stuck with the stupid ones. "Follow me." He led Wade out the room,"Chat with some of the workers, and you'll figure out your surroundings." The mystery man(MYSTERY MAAAAN!)left. Wade looked around. He kept yelling to no one in particular for Creativity to shut up so he could listen to his surroundings. When Creativity finally did quiet himself(A rare kind of moment), he could hear some scientists.  
"Wanna play some more 'Deadpool'?"  
"If we get caught gambling, our entry priviliges will be provoked!"  
"You know you want to..."  
"Ugh. Fine. 500 bucks says the next one who goes in lives,"  
"I'm gonna be nice, you do know that's the one who screams Chimichanga, right?"  
"Yes," one scientist replied rather seriously,"Someone who can scream chimichangas and things at imaginary people without their vocal lungs breaking can live through anything,"  
"Fine then. May the 'better' man win. See what I did there?"  
"Yeah, that was kinda stupid."  
"Ohh..."  
"JAY LENO SUCKS!" screamed Wade to the scientists. Wade had surprised them.  
"What? Jay Leno? Who the fuck is Jay Leno?"  
"Ergh..." something popped very close to Wade's ear. Unfortunately, inside him,"Not sure any chimichanga. Would either of you chimichangas do me a chimichanga and tell me what year it is?"  
"Uh, '43?"  
"3043? The future sucks" Wade admitted sadly.  
"Uh...Yeah. The future sucks." One of the scientists replied nervously, "Now I've, uh, gotta catch my plane...that can drive in sea!"  
"Hm. Future has it's perks!" Wade grinned happily.  
"Sir, it's your turn," A large man in a black suit stepped up behind and told Wade.  
"Yay! It's time to play future games!...I wonder if any of what I said is future language?"

Wade was escorted to a huge room with computers everywhere and in the middle of the room there was a large tube. The man had Wade take all his clothes off, and he stepped inside the big thing. "CHIMAYCHANGA!" He shrieked before he stepped inside. 


	6. Enter Killebrew!

It had been extremely painful, as soon as Wade stepped in and forever when he stepped out. He HAD been a very handsome man, with a bit of beard scruff and messy hair-but when he stepped out, he didn't have a beard, or any type of hair on him. Which would have been fine to most people, other than the fact that he was pink and there a was a bump or boil every square centimeter of his body. Wade was screaming this entire time, by the way, and it wasn't shrieks of joy or insanic yells of "chimichanga", no, it was a very pained scream. However, he didn't fall. And, even though every part of him was in extreme pain, he couldn't feel it. Somehow, even though any man would take this pain for a second and die, Wade stopped screaming. Everyone in the humongous laboratory (Hey, that's a /FUNNY/ word!) stopped whatever they were doing and looked at him. Most screamed, and those who weren't were getting ready to. The voices in Wade's head grew louder, over static and ringing.  
(Uh, buddy you okay?) ['Tiv, he's obviously not okay](He stopped screaming!)[Good point. Hey, Wade, you okay?]  
"Not really..."  
[See?] (Shut up, or I'll talk about Reeses Pieces) [I love Reeses Pieces!] (BAD things about Reeses Pieces) [Actually, I think the company's just called Pieces now. They just teamed up with every other chocolate company] (Aw what? Do they at least have M'n'M pieces?) [Um,maybe, I forgot, I don't think so, they both look the exact same] (Maybe, maybe) [Is there anything wrong with Pieces?] (Nah, I was just umm...trying to alienate you) [I don't think you are] (Yeah, I'ma stalker...)  
"There isn't. But there should be." To Creativity's and Reason's surprise, Wade joined the conversation,"There is no M'n'M Pieces, because I have no idea what you're talking about."  
[Aw dude! 'Tiv, he's in the 40's, remembah?] (Uh-oh. Umm, it doesn't really matter, we're his conscience) [Fine. But no more 21st century stuffs] (Come on!...Fine...:3 :D XD) ['TIV!] (Sorry)  
Suddenly, one man rushed up to Wade Wilson. "Sir...the project has gone, ehm, wrong."  
"Come again?"  
The man hesitated, and took a few steps back. "The e-experiment didn't go as we w-wanted, it, to, sir,"  
"Oh!" Wade realized. "Well, that sucks."  
"Er, eh, you need to report to r-room 1-B, no 1-C, sir, to meet with the Professor."  
"Professor, huh? Gimme some formalities, if you don't mind."  
The man did as we was told. "Killebrew. Doctor Killebrew. He'll, uh, CURE you, hehahh..."  
"Well then!" Wade proclaimed as he walked off to his destination. Anyone that was within 50 feet of him, well, soon wasn't. He made it to 1-C, which he had found out was below the facility, and saw a crazed man with glasses, a rat tail hairstyle of sorts, and a pharmacist coat.  
"I presume you are eh.." the man flipped through some papers. "Wilson?"  
"Yes ma'am, Wilson here. (Pbht...ma'am HAH!)  
The man gave Wade an angry look. "Look, I am Dr. Killebrew, and make fun of me again and you won't have the ABILITY to make fun of anyone!"  
Wade stepped back in surprise. "Sure...ma'am." Killebrew lunged at Wade with a knife and cut through the sides of his jaw.  
"Uh ell!?" Wade screamed in surprise.  
"And THAT'S what you get when you mess with the doctor!" Killebrew harrumphed and stepped away to work with some other creatures in the room. Wade sat in a chair that was sure to break soon, and found that his jaw was slowly regenerating. After about 6 minutes you couldn't tell it had been destroyed.  
"Huh," Wade mumbled. 


End file.
